“It’s a lot.” Recognising the impact of violence against women, and the importance of community connection.
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(This piece discusses the impact of the recent murders of three Ballarat women, and the importance of community connection. If today is not a good day for you to read this, you might like to save it and read it on another day. And if just reading the title highlights that you might need some support, the following link will take you directly to the end of the article and the section on Looking after yourself and those you care about.)
“It’s a lot.”
This is the comment I have heard many times in the past few months from the amazing, caring and thoughtful women I work with in the Ballarat Women’s Clinic.
So many of the women I work with have been deeply affected by the significant traumatic events that have impacted our community recently. You’ve probably heard this as well, or thought it yourself:
“It’s a lot.”
On February 4th this year, local Mum Samantha Murphy went for a jog and did not return. There were weeks of searching, worry, fear and the anxiety of not knowing what happened – and then the worst news, that she would not be coming home. A local man has been charged with murder. It is real, and it is incredibly distressing – and it is hard to understand how this has happened in our community.
Only 12 days after Samantha Murphy disappears, local Mum Rebecca Young was killed in a suspected murder-suicide. The papers described a violent relationship. It is a shocking and violent act, and another woman’s life is ended. A woman murdered in her own home.
Then on April 5th, the unbelievable and heartbreaking news that yet another woman, Hannah McGuire, 23 years old, has been found dead in a burnt-out car in Scarsdale. The papers tell us that she had sought protection and had feared for her safety. And another young man from our community is charged with her murder.
Three women in our community, murdered.
“It’s a lot.”
This is a community in which we all know someone who has been deeply affected by these violent acts. But it is also true that we all know someone who has experienced violence in their lives – and that the deaths of Samantha Murphy, Rebecca Young and Hannah McGuire provide a frightening reminder of the reality of the violence they face, or have lived through. The statistics around violence against women are striking. Based on 2020 data, the Australian Bureau of Statistics says that “an estimated 1.4 million Australian women have experienced violence from a previous partner since the age of 15”1. It is hard to acknowledge that it took the murder of three women for us all to pay attention.
But this is a community that found a way to show that it cares.
The importance of connection
On Friday 12th April, the Ballarat community rallied. Lydiard Street was packed. People of all ages and genders walked side by side. We were walking together as a community; showing our support and also drawing a line in the sand. The chant of “Enough is enough” was loud and clear.
One young girl walking in front of me, wearing a red jacket and a pink beanie, held up a sign that said, “I WANT TO FEEL SAFE EVERYWHERE.” That is what we all want for our community, isn’t it? And it is absolutely what we need for our women and girls.
We heard the family members speak at the rally. They spoke of heart wrenching loss, strength and love – it was unfathomable and overwhelming.
The expression of care for each other – the caring and supportive actions of family, friends, and neighbours – is of utmost importance.
Psychological research tells us that our connection with each other is essential to recovery from traumatic and stressful events. Phoenix Australia is the National Centre of Excellence in Posttraumatic Mental Health, and their site emphasises the importance of connecting. The Phoenix site offers practical and useful advice for helping yourself and helping others after traumatic experiences (see Phoenix Australia).
Looking after yourself and those you care about
Our wider community in the Grampians region has demonstrated many times that we are a community that cares. So, in the months to come, maybe it’s helpful to recognise that we have been coming to terms with significant and distressing events, and it’s okay (in fact it’s really important) to look after yourself and those you care about.
If you feel unsafe, call 1800RESPECT.
In an emergency, call 000.
For crisis support, call Lifeline 13 11 14
If recent events have impacted you and you have found yourself feeling anxious, stressed, or distressed, consider some of the following strategies that might be helpful:
- Connect with the people you care about; spend time with friends and family
- Take time out from the news and social media coverage of events
- Focus on your own self-care, and especially getting some sleep
- Stay active; go for a walk, and do the things that you usually enjoy (try and aim to do one thing each day, just because you enjoy it)
- Talk to a GP if you feel you would benefit from professional help, or you don’t feel like things are improving
If you’re worried about a friend or family member, some ways you can help include to:
- Be company for them; and give them the chance to talk if they want to. Listen to how they are feeling – you don’t have to fix their feelings, just listen and show you care.
- Offer practical support; make a meal, help with a household chore, or minding the kids.
- Encourage them to see their GP if they seem overwhelmed or very distressed.
And if you’re someone who recognises that your mood or anxiety impacts your quality of life, and you think it might be time to seek some help or learn some new ways to deal with it:
- Talk to your GP about how you’re feeling and ask what they recommend for you
- Consider a free evidence-based online program like MindSpot (www.mindspot.org.au) or The Black Dog Institute’s MyCompass (www.mycompass.org.au)
- The Head to Health website is a good place to start if you’ve not been feeling yourself, and you’re a bit overwhelmed by all the information that is out there. Complete the online quiz on the website (www.headtohealth.gov.au), and it will give you a range of options based on your needs and your preferences – including things to read, online courses, helpful websites, as well as information about in-person services.
At any time, if you need immediate help for domestic, family and sexual violence, call 1800RESPECT (1800 737 732):
1800RESPECT is the national domestic, family and sexual violence counselling, information and support service. You can also text to 0458 737 732.
1800RESPECT is a confidential, counselling and support service. It is available for free, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week to support people impacted by domestic, family or sexual violence.
The 1800RESPECT website also offers information about housing, finances, health and legal services.
At any time, if you need immediate help for a mental health issue:
- Call Lifeline – 24-hour free crisis counselling, 13 11 14. Lifeline also has options for chat and text support.
- In Ballarat, you can also phone the Grampians Area Mental Health Service Access and Triage Team on 1300 247 647 (24 hours).
- In an emergency, contact 000.
If you need someone to talk to, any time, you can also call:
- Beyond Blue – free telephone and online counselling service, 1300 22 4636, 24 hours/7 days a week or chat online.
The healthdirect website has information about other specific helplines, the contact numbers and services that are available online or via chat. Mental health helplines | healthdirect.
In Ballarat, CAFS runs Men’s Behaviour Change programs as well as group programs for men wanting to work on their parenting skills, see www.cafs.org.au.
Written by Clinical Psychologist, Dr Kylie McKenzie
Dr Kylie McKenzie is a clinical psychologist with over 20 years of experience helping women with physical and mental illness. You can self refer to Dr Kylie or have a GP complete a mental health care plan to receive a medicare rebate for your appointment. Bookings with Dr Kylie can be made at Ballarat Women’s Clinic on 5332 9940.
